That Trip; To Walk Alone

This post is somehow overdue.
It's been more than 4 months since I got back from my Solo Trip (supposedly).
I was held back from writing up my journey due to several factors in life and needed time to put my heart at ease again...
From the beginning, that decision to see the world alone was not an easy task. Being alone is tough!
It was that kind of toughness that put myself to challenge my own ability to see if I can live up to it should someday life takes its turn and I'm all alone.
I had chosen Bern as the place to walk around quietly.
Why Switzerland? It was his favourite place. It was because we love snow, the view of snow-capped alps, the excitement to see people gliding freely on white surface. It was where I feel my heart at peace and have no worries.

The past years have seen us wandering the streets of Zurich, Luzern, Engelberg, Interlaken, Grindelwald.
The past years had brought us standing high on Titlis & Jungfrau to admire God's creation.

When I express my desire and seek permission to travel alone, I was only allowed to choose Switzerland cos that is where we feel safer than the other European cities we've regularly visited. As it was my aim to walk alone in unfamiliar surroundings, I chose Bern.

As usual, I had to draw up my travel plan and submit it for approval.
My original plan was to travel on a budget of S$2500max for a 7days trip (including airfare). He said it was ridiculous!
But, that's what I really want to do. I want to be able to share my travel tips so that others with shallow pocket can also get to enjoy the beauty of seeing the world.
The airfare alone will leave me with half the amount for local transportation, accommodation and meals.

On a serious note, SWISS IS VERY EXPENSIVE! My British boss just as puzzled why we keep going back! Like I've mentioned in the earlier paragraphs, the snow & the alps gives us that peaceful feeling!

Well, not all that we planned goes thru smoothly:

• I never get to materialised that tight budget.
• The 7-days trip ended up to be an 11-days journey.
• I ended up travelling with two other ladies (friends).
• It wasn't just Bern. I basically re-visited all the other places in Swiss and crossed over to Paris.

Also, I learnt a lot from this trip:

1. The importance of staying focus and not be distracted
2. The real meaning of 'two a company, three a crowd'
3. True friend surface only during difficult times. All other times people stick by you for personal agenda (Hypocrisy)
4. Good friend don't necessarily make good travel mate.

Nevertheless, there were lots of snows right from the time I landed in Amsterdam enroute to Zurich.

Here's briefly how I spent my money on major items for the trip:-

1. KLM Return Tix (SIN-ZRH-CDG-SIN): S$1,155
2. 8-days Swiss Pass (excl. return tix for Jungfraujoch): Approx S$500
3. 2 Bedrooms Apartment (6 nights): S$1183
4. Return tix Grindelwald-Jungfraujoch: Approx. S$130 (CHF100)
5. One-Way Tix Basel-Gare de Lyon (Paris): Approx. S$60 (CHF 48)
6. Paris Accomodation incl. breakfast (4 nights, Triple): Approx. S$500 (Eur 399 per room)
7. Airport Transfer (Hotel to CDG): Eur 18

Although my trip wasn't quite a happy-ending (thanks to somebody!), I hope the above can be useful to those who are planning to make their first trip to Swiss.

By this time, I've also completed our 2015 Family Trip to Tokyo & Hokkaido (FIT).
I'll share tips about our family journey to The Land of The Rising Sun in my next blog..

He who made is own Choice!

Its been a while...
I've finally delivered a baby boy in a traumatising situation.
That fateful day of 24th April, When I was 39weeks pregnant,
I made an attempt to run away from home.. From everything!

I cant take it anymore. Hate all his sarcastic remarks about how
much $ my difficult pregnancy have consumed. Hate it when he
transferred me to another hospital and attempt to force me to give
birth! It was for all that reasons I had purposely refused to get into
his car when I had a very bad contraction leading to my unexpected
delivery in the ambulance.

I didnt run too far. I had just reached McDonalds at Northpoint
When I felt a very sharp pain! I quickly grab a cab and went home!
Why I didnt go to hosp instead? Cos I hate the nagging should this
be another false alarm again.

The pain got worst by the time I reached home! Called my husband
and he said he will call the private ambulance. My condition
Worsened and yet no ambulance arrived even after he reached home.
He told me to get into his car.. That was a giveaway! I knew he never
called the ambulance like he said he would!!

At that instant moment, I am determined not to get into his car! He
will not send me to the hosp i'm supposed to! I'd rather deliver this
baby all by myself at home and to be pushed around!

He panicked when I trembled hard due to the pain! He called the
SCDF ambulance. They arrived in less than 7 mins! My man still
arguing with the medic on the hospital to send me. So much tine
Being wasted without sparing any thought on my pain...

Finally, the medic's decision is FINAL! They put me in ambulance
and rudhed me to KKH. Yafiq Benjamin cant wait! He decided to
make his debut in the ambulance at the hospital entrance!

To be continued....
 YB's Childbirth Story next!

Do you really know ME???

Opening Statement:I am 37 weeks pregnant at the time I wrote this blog. So, if you are reading this blog, read it with open mind and with possibility that the writer probably suffering from antenatal depression or the writer is just fed-up with what's going on in her life at this time.

The ranting of my heart:-
Me & My Pregnancy

3 more weeks and my baby will be born. This pregnancy had not been any smooth sailing for me. I've not been gaining weight. In fact, I lost 5kg at the begining, recovered approx 4 kg along the way and the recent ante-natal check up at 36 weeks shows that I lost 1.2kg since the last check-up.

I've changed my gynae. I started off with an unfamiliar gynae at the request of my husband who puts dollar sign above my comfort. I tolerated for 30 weeks before I was able to convince him that I need my all-time gynae. With terms and conditions imposed, he agreed to let me go back to my Dr. Ong.

Honestly, by the time he agreed to the switch, the damage already done! I've sink deep into my depression silently. At this stage, I'm on 'isolation mode'. I am not keen to meet anybody nor do anything. I've spent the last 21days in bed since my hospitalisation due to severe pre-term contractions at 34 weeks.

It was during the hospitalisation that we discovered my haemoglobin count at risky level (7). The normal minimum is 11. And due to that fact, my gynae had to do all he could to stop the contraction as it would be too dangerous for me to lose blood further during childbirth.

I was given 2 doses of steroid jabs to speed up the baby's lung maturity. Was given 5mg of ventolin drip to stop the contractions. Unfortunately, I am too sensitive to ventolin and suffered severe palpitation. So, the ventolin dosage had to be reduced to 2mg instead. That also mean that the contraction cannot be stopped.. only to be reduced!

The cost of that 3-days hoohah.... $3k!
And of course, my dollar-sign husband jump sky high!
I don't give a shit about it!

I'm having bad contractions now! It's been 3 days! But, I'm staying put at home cos my dollar-sign husband has been nagging & nagging & nagging. About what?? As usual, Dollar & Cents!

Maybe....
Just maybe....
It's worth dying during childbirth!

My Life Is Full of Uncertainty Now..

Opening Statement:
I am 7 months pregnant at the time I wrote this blog. So, if you are reading this blog, read it with open mind and with possibility that the writer probably suffering from pre-natal depression or the writer is just fed-up with what's going on in her life at this time.
The ranting of my heart:-

My Child
Suddenly, my life is full of uncertainty. So many questions are lingering in my mind. I felt so much disappointment to the extend that I think I am not being appreciated for who I am.

Like I have mentioned earlier, I am 7 months pregnant now. And suddenly I do not know why I am pregnant. At this stage of my life I should be looking forward to my retirement plan. Instead, I annoyed my husband by being pregnant again and he is fretting that his retirement plan had to be deferred.
Why did I want another child so much. Is it really because Iman, Luncas & Adelia had left me? Is it really because I am not able to find closure for my grief of the passing of my 3 babies?
But then, I have 3 other surviving children. That should be enough, isn't it?
Of my 3 surviving children, 1 have been driving me up the wall. He behaves like as if he had survived all these 16 years on his own and that we as a parents does nothing but condemn him only. He behaves as if whatever he had achieved was his sole effort. I hope someday God will teach him a very good lesson for hurting my feelings.

Though it is disappointing to have raised such a child, I am glad the other 2 aren't like that.
Since kids can turn out to be a monster, why was I so keen to go through this heart-breaking cycle again? I seriously don't know anymore.

I don't even know if this child I'm carrying would be any better or worst than my first born. The thought of it really frightens me! But, I cannot back out anymore. It's too late now! If I am to run far away, what will happen to this child? His life would be really pathetic. His own father wasn't really keen on him in the first place. So, I guess I'll just stay put and take full responsibility of my own selfish decision...

My Study
At present, I am pursuing my 2nd diploma majoring in Para-Legal Studies. I'm on my 2nd year.
Attending class is a real struggle for me. But, I can't quit. My husband don't allow me to. Noone will ever understand how difficult and painful its been for me all these nights in class. And now, I even have problem walking. Still, I had to endure it and walk slowly from one point to another. At time the pain is so bad that I feel as if my baby would drop out any moment.

I really don't know why I am taking up this course. Working in a law firm had always been the last thing in my mind. I was told to pursue a diploma from local polytechnic so that I can pursue a degree later on. But, who wants a degree? What am I gonna do with that degree? Find a better paying job? Huh? work again? so when am I able to retire and rest? Who am I pleasing with that those big pay? I can't even buy what I want without seeking permission, what so great about earning big pay?

So, why am I torturing myself in school after a tiring day at work? Who are all these achievements for? Myself? Really????

My Dearest Domestic Helper
The reason why any household hires them is to ease the burden of household chores. They are great as long as they are still interested to work. But they can be a real pain as years gone by and their intention to work had shiftted.

My current maid have been with us for 5 years now. On her 4th day with us, we discovered that she had severe asthma. Her conditions was really bad and it freak us out! What if she dies of asthma in our house? Will I be accused for causing her death? She never declare her asthma condition when she applied for a job here (which maid would??!!).

After so much consideration and out of sympathy, we kept her. Cos we knew that these workers normally took up huge loan in their home-country in order to work abroad. And so send her back home with a huge loan on her shoulder we deemed inhumane.

During her first year, her cooking was terrible. She would fry a frozen fish and expect our kids to eat it. Thereafter, I teach her how to cook and now she can be proud of her cooking skills. We treated her just like another member of the family. We would go movies & shoppings together and although her work contract says that she had been compensated for her off day, we gave her off-day to go out with her friends every Sunday.

I guess when one is here for too long, they takes things for granted or try to explored other opportunity to be funny. Few months back, my husband said she added him in her facebook. We didn't even know she has a facebook account and when was the time she access the internet? The kids and I were surprised why only 'sir' get added? All off us were connected with each other in FB and it would be too lame to say that she couldn't find us in FB, right? So, we teases her and she burst into tears! WTH!!

She said that the fb account wasn't created by herself. It was her boyfriend in Indonesia who created that fb account. But still, how come her boyfriend knows 'Sir'?? Her work permit bears my name instead of my husband, isn't it? Fishy?? Indeed! But I have no time for jealousy..

Recently she went for her deserving homeleave. Prior to leaving, we have agreed that if she were to come back to Singapore, she will renew her working contract for another term (2yrs). She said that she will inform her mom that she will have to work for another 3 yrs consistent with the expiry of her passport. She got engaged while she was back home.. and upon her return, she decided to change her terms. She will only work for another 1 year so that she will have enough money to get married!

WTH!!! Since when worker draft working terms?? And who gave her the rights to do so???!!!
Eversince, I hate the every sight of her! I had told my husband that I want the maid to be changed! But, he feels that I'm sufferring from hormone imbalance and ask me to bear with the current maid until I have given birth and my hormones is back to normal... argghh!! When I persistently insisted, he said 'No money!'.. why is it he always has no money when I wanted something but always have money to keep changing his car and go on vacations??!!! This is a real shit hole!!

Closing Statement:
This is how my life is evolving now...
I am no longer in the mood to deliver this baby..
I am no longer interested to continue my study..
I am no longer motivated to work...
But, I have got no other choice for now...

March Ending

The first quarter almost reaching an end. What's that supposed to mean??

• I am older!

Yup! I've just turned 35! Round Edge, Sharp Edge.. Nice Figure!

• Don't forget to file Income Tax Return!

Almost forgot about it. I've printed my IR8E form & my 2010 payslips! Need to check if all is well! Hmm.. how come my pay so little ah??? *sigh*

• What have I done the last 3 months?

Here's what I've done:
January
- Go to a Rock Concert after so many donkey years!
- Moved to a role at work. Learning something from scratch again. Well, my trainer seems like an unwilling party. But, all I can say is that although one can have all the knowledge in this world, they may not be necessarily knowledgeable about imparting their knowledge. Too bad for you, Sir! When I came for the interview, I have said upfront that I came in with 'zero-knowledge' and only have my learning desire to offer.
- No working late in office or at home!

February
- Eddy fractured in ankle and on cast & crutches!
- Went on CNY holiday to Penang & KL. It just about driving for hours and hours. Laid back & relax
- Hubby fractured is right hand
- I found myself pregnant! Ultrasound scan so tiny yet hubby jubilantly said "It's a Girl, Ana!".. Errr.. Wateva! So picked "Adelia Umairah" for her name to match kakak "Martina Umairah".
- Pregnancy on in good shape. On hormones daily & progyenol jabs twice a week. Ouch on my hip!Ouch on my pocket!

March
- I lost my baby. Goodbye, Adelia! We'll see you in heaven next time!
- Happy Birthday To Me! Seriously not in the mood..
- Did my 3rd D&C (I just hate the feeling!)
- On hospitalisation MC yet working from home! The workaholic me sinking in!
- Changed Trainer @ work! At last! Phew!

• What am I gonna do next Quarter?

- Gonna start be good in my job (meeting deadline & beef-up my speed!). I've always done well. So, no reason I can't do it now that I have a better trainer!
- Gonna start medical test & treatment
- Vacation in Bali (June). All arrangement have been made; we'll just need to fly!
- Maybe look for a greener pasture? Go back to Contract?

That's just my little update for Q1 '11.

Au Revoir!

Where Have I Been?

Update update.. Listen up!

I think my craze for Korean drama is fading off (although I had just bought 2 VCD just hours ago). Why? Hmm.. it seems that I've watched almost all the latest love stories and there seems nothing (new korean movies/dramas) that can twig my interest for now.

Btw, deadline for submission of Law of Tort project is on 24th Nov 2010. I've yet to gather my thoughts and resources. Will do it this weekend! Errr.. that is like.. TOMORROW!

I've been spending the last 7 days at home. I was supposed to be clearing my backlog since last Saturday. But it seems that I had mood swing and had only got myself together on Thursday. What have I been doing since?

• Saturday: sulking in bed. Feeling really down since I left office almost 11pm the day before.
• Sunday: tried to get on some work, but the systems kick me out! Argghh! the usual 'Sunday IT maintenance' work - I should have know better than to make the attempt!
• Monday: woke up at 11 am, watch TV, dramas, Listen to KHJ, LMH & SS501 songs in youtube... just lazing around.
• Tuesday: woke up at 11am & another 'lazing around' day
• Wednesday: Hari Raya Haji. Visit my grandma & 'Mak Su' in JB.. spending time with family.

Instead of clearing backlog, I've been catching up those time I've lost. Damn! Where have I been all these while? I am feeling like as if I've just returned from somewhere. Everything I do lately seems to be something I really missed. And I've been asking myself "why did I stop doing this?", "when was the last time I did this?".. It's depressing!

Today, after attending Tina's Award presentation, we took the bus to Northpoint. Just me & Tina. Had sms Sherry earlier, thought we can do 'girls lunch' together. But, she's in school for her band practise.

Had lunch with my daughter today. As we were eating, I suddenly feels that I missed her so much! I misses Sherry too!

Oh! God... Where was I all these time?...
Thank you, God! Thanks from bringing me back...

Heart Flown Seoul

I must be really crazy about Korean drama. It's weird. Very weird. I love those shows so much!

Some days back, my hubby was asking if I want to spend my next birthday in Seoul with him...
Now, it's Bottega v Winter in Seoul! Gosh! It's gonna be tough!

So, what happen to my plan for Euro Adventure??? What happen to Fuschia Bottega???
Have Seoul, Lee Min Ho, Kim Hyun Joong really overtaken it all?

So my brain is swirling right now.. the ongoing questions in my head are:
a) Am I not tired of Europe already by now?
b) Do I really need another bag to crowd the already over-crowded collection at home?
c) Would Winter in Seoul with my lover be a PERFECT birthday present for 2011?
d) Should I try to catch SS501 upcoming concert (wherever in the world it may be held)?

Geez... I really don't know!
But, if Seoul it may be, I'd better remain faithful to my current 'low-appetite' regime. Hopefully I would have shed some fats by then so that I look good in my winter collections.

I am really going crazy with these Korean dramas!

당신을 감사하십시오

Semester 3 had begun. And Yes! I am still watching my Korean drama before going to bed. To-date, I've watched 'Princess Hours' 7 times! I don't know why but I just love that drama to the max. Perhaps I'm just a woman who melts watching romantic movies, dramas, etc.

Class so far so good. Although this semester seems a hectic ones with 2 public holidays in each month hence make up lesson here and there. I am likely to be heading to class 4 times a week this semester.

Attended my first 'Managing People' module yesterday. Had wanted to print my note before going to class but there was none in the student portal. Looks like another series of loose notes flying around again, I thought. However, was surprised that for this module, our lecturer had consolidate all the notes, schedules & Assignment into 1 binded booklet!  So cool! Now I don't need to worry about losing my notes again.

Why can't the school just standardised such procedures? Its neater & easier, isn't it? Event if they ask us to pay for it, I'd be more than willing. Rather than having to keep reminding myself to print my notes before lectures!

To my Teacher, 당신을 감사하십시오!

Will It Ever Stop?

I am very exhausted. I just don't know when will it end. I have no more strength to carry on. So tired of the mess in my life. The mess * keeps creating. * just don't value my presence.

There's nothing I look forward to anymore. In fact, I am so scared of tomorrow..

Should I just pack up and go? Leave everything behind?

At times I wonder, what have I done so wrong to deserve all these..
(ps: this is not another Korean drama. This is my life.. Pathetic, isn't it?)

Dragging My Feet Out

I'm feeling lazy. So Extremely Lazy! And, my latest laziness is:

I AM SO DAMN BLOODY LAZY TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!!!

Suddenly, I am feeling like I am the 'Bigung Mama' of Princess Hours (GOONG)! In real fact, I am of the status of Hwang-Hu Mama! Duh!!

I think I am an addict! They say, you only need to do drug once and there'll be second, third and so on.  Well, it started with just ONE! Now I am having real hard time kicking it off. If  I don't get my required dose, I can create havoc! I will throw my tantrums! I even slammed the earpiece on to my laptop when hubby dearest ask me out for fresh air, for ice-cream breaks, for 'sleep-early, dear' moment.

Don't stop me! And if you ever force me.. I will stomp out of the room sulking, banging my feet and slamming anything that come to sight! Now, I am so lazy to go to school! And, class supposed to start tomorrow! OH!! HOW??!!!

Ok. I don't do drug.. and still sees no reason to do so. I am talking about online korean dramas!! I am addicted to it! And Korean drama are super-long.. I've recently completed a 167 episodes x 2 parts (some even have 4 parts) in a space of 2 days! and the hunger for more just never stop.

How it started?
I am a woman who lack the luxury of watching TV programmes. My schedule is so jammed-packed! My work takes a lot of me, then I have classes after classes which I enrolled myself into (like as if I have nothing better to do) and the fact that I never have to do any household chores. At times, I don't even need to pour my drink or take my shoe from the cabinet when I am leaving home.

But, I am super-fortunate to have a husband who just love to spoil me further and I have buddies who will constantly remind me that it's time for our monthly dinner session to unwind and they never felt that I've abandoned them. I guess by now they realised what a workaholic I am and I just need to be drag out of work. I think, without them, I would have gone crazy with work by now. Hubby & Buddies, I really appreciate your effort to knock sense into me.. just bear with my tantrums, yah!

Two Sundays ago, while waiting for my tea to be served, I decided to sit on my sofa and meddle with the remote controls. I have long had trouble operating the TV and the channel box. I've yet to master the old TV set and here comes a new set with so many buttons that I don't know what the hell they are for. Each time I need so see image appearing on the screen, I will have to yell out for help and the kids will make sure something appear. All I do next it to press the UP & DOWN button for the channel or the volume.

So, there I was scrolling channels. I stopped at channel U and there was this interesting Korean drama.
As it is with all dramas, they appear in episodes. After it ended, I went searching on the internet for the full episodes cos I don't have the luxury of time to wait another week and another week.

I found it and completed all 167 episodes of 'Hearts of 19' (aka 'Pure 19') in a space of 3days.

Addiction for More and More..
It doesn't ends there. I hunger for more.. so I search for something new and found "Personal Taste" which I completed in 2 days. I want more!! So I was stuck with "Princess Hours (GOONG)" which I completed in 1 day. Then its 'Love Story in Harvard".


I need to kick the habit! Class is starting TOMORROW!! I am gonna have real hard time dragging my feet out.. Out of this Love Fantasy...

The stories are just too good to be true! So I asked my hubby "Do you really love me? But you never kiss me!". And so my hubby said "Different man have different style of showing their love..."

UUUUWWWWAAAHHHHH!!! I want to be like Bigung Mama & Gae-In!!!

CUT!!! This episode have to end!

It's Not Goodbye..

And what if I never kiss your lips again
Or feel the touch of your sweet embrace
How would I ever go on
Without you there's no place to belong

Well someday love is gonna lead you back to me
But 'til it does I'll have an empty heart
So I'll just have to believe
Somewhere out there you thinking of me

Until the day I'll let you go
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye
'Til I see you again
I'll be right here rememberin' when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye

You'd think I'd be strong enough to make it through
And rise above when the rain falls down
But it's so hard to be strong
When you've been missin' somebody so long

It's just a matter of time I'm sure
But time takes time and I can't hold on
So won't you try as hard as you can
To put my broken heart together again

Until the day I'll let you go
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye
'Til I see you again
I'll be right here rememberin' when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye

STRUGGLE

The decision I made today may not be the best one. But, how can things be so WRONG when the intention is so RIGHT? It's a STRUGGLE to come to a decision. I am at a crossroad unknown of what lies ahead for me. God, help me...

If you love me, tell me. If you want me, say so. I don't play by IMPLIED TERMS. Your definition of "UNDERSTOOD" requires qualification at my end. And who else could have qualify those unspoken intention better than yourself? I will not want to go by presumption, because such assumption can be so easily denied in a moment of despair.

The echoes said I will struggle next. I am struggling now too. And, should I continue with this struggle though I knew the fact that there's nothing awaits me at the end of the tunnel?

"I am extremely exhausted".. that's what I told Nad that night.

I am STRUGGLING in the BIG SEA and theres's nothing around me to show that I'm reaching the shore. And I don't know how long more, where to and what I am STRUGGLING for...

The Passing of Mdm Kwa Geok Choo (Mrs Lee Kwan Yew)

Mdm Kwa Geok Choo (Mrs Lee Kwan Yew) passed away today (2 October 2010) at the age of 89. May her soul rest in peace..

I will always remember her as a great woman who was always by her husband side. Before the news of her critical condition hits the headline, she was always by his (MM Lee) side.  She must have been a great wife for her husband to passionately quote:

“If she weren’t an influence, supposing I had married somebody else, I might have become a different person, not that I would be a different person, but the things that I would have been able to do, the kind of backdrop I would have had, family, support, would have been different.”

I want to be like her! Not that I want to be a minister's wife, duh! I want to be by my husband's side always. Supporting him always!

I hope, just hoping, that he will also remember me as fondly as how MM Lee remembers his wife and that he would keep me company and cherish me till death do us part.  And not shun me when my wrinkles become visible!

Honey, let's grow old together!

********************************************************



The Loaf

I'm all excited today! All because of 'The Loaf'!!

Aspiration (Never Ending)

It's been a while since I was last here..


Life had been rather hectic since I went back to school. It's been more than 6 months of commuting between office to school in Tampines before heading home to Yishun thereafter. In 10 days time I will be sitting for Semester 2 ("S2") exam! Feel like as if it was only yesterday when I collected my orientation file. How time flies..


The final result of S1 exam wasn't too great. But, it was not bad either; straight 'B' for all 3 modules (Legal System & Methods, Criminal Law & Legal Communications). To be honest, I was a little disappointed to get 'B' for LSM since I scored 'A' for individual project & I have answered all questions with confidence. Well, this should serve as a good lesson for me not to take things too lightly just because the first half of the task was good. There's no time to lay back!


For it was never guaranteed that sunrise will greet us tomorrow! So, give our best shot today like there's no tomorrow.


I'm just done with my 'Without Prejudice Letter' test... Not feeling good about it.


I had actually started writing this blog yesterday in between my husband's screaming and nagging for me to turn in! (gosh! why can't he just understand that when my ideas flow, I cannot stop!). Sometime, this one man ("husband") is so hard to please. I wish someday he realised that I am different! I like to watch 'sinetron' @ youtube and would normally watch from A to Z at one shot! I really miss watching TV since I don't have the luxury of time to do all that now.


Hey, I'm not saying he's bad. If he's bad, I wouldn't have been stuck with him since the past 17 years! (perhaps, I had no choice! :P) It's just that at times I feel so suffocated! (guess its a good form of exercise for my lung! WTH!) To those who are still being single, don't fret.. perhaps you've made the right choice!! lol!


I am so full of ASPIRATION (not foods this time)! I want to DO EVERYTHING. I want to BE EVERYTHING!


Yesterday, I managed to get a 5 minutes glimpse of a Chinese serial on TV while waiting for Ryan to collect keys from hubby (I thought I have left mine in the locked bedroom. Only to realised this morning that I've dropped it in the other car!). It's about a Police officer who managed to stop a man from leaping off the ledge. What a Hero!!.


Suddenly it reminds me of that moment in my life when I was aspired to join the force (unfortunately I didn't meet the heigh requirement!). What was I thinking then?! How would I fair in the force since I am so scared of darkness, dogs, blood, accident/suicide/murder scenes?! Had I been accepted, perhaps I would just be those "behind-the-desk" kind of police officer!


Ok, actually I wanted to be a police officer so that I can catch all those bad people (or was it people who are bad to me?)! So that I can stop people from doing bad things.. So that I can get the priviledge of speeding on Singapore roads without being presented with a speeding tickets (An invitation to participate in F1 could have been better. But, Singapore GP have not existed then) hahahahaha!

Since young, I have this ambition to be a flight stewardess. Derived from the desire to sit in an aeroplane since I don't have much of such opportunity, except when I followed mom on her home-visit in Indonesia. I want to go to places around the world. Jet-setting all the time!

Then the truth hit me! Air stewardess are not jet-setters! the are basically working.. and to travel on a job is not my idea of 'fun'. And I realised that I want to be the passenger, the tourist. Not the waitress! Ok, the death of that ambition had not hindered me from going places.. seeing the world.

Now I travel WHERE I want to be and WHEN I want to.. It's a great pleasure to be the passenger, the tourist.

I love to argue. I would argue about anything and will continue arguing until I win. And when I don't, I'll cry like baby! Two hours ago I was still arguing with my lecturer on my opinion of the case. She rejected me flat! I could and would have carried on arguing hadn't I thought of the fact that she's marking my paper!

So, I fantasizes on becoming a lawyer! I want to be a fierce lawyer.. just like Christine! Also, I need to upgrade my arguing skills as I have a contender (Eddy) at home now! By the way (not obiter dictum!), my husband loves to argue and he's quite good at it too! At times I knew I am losing out to him, so I will wail and when that happen, I win! Just like how I argue my case on why I deserve an LV, Burberry, Coach, etc. My current and up coming arguments with him entitled "Why I will look good with Bottega & Oyster Perpetual Lady." hahahahaha!

I'm studying Para-Legal now.. and my brain have kinda twig in another direction. Perhaps cos Law studies is just so tough!

So, recently I told my husband.. "I think I should study Psychology and major in Child Psychology! I should work as a counsellor in Primary Schools! I think our younger generation have been emotionally disturbed and tortured with the super-demanding education culture here. The rate of suicide among young children are on the rise! Over simple matter like grade & BGR!"

Husband responded with "Na, I think you should focus and start drawing up your plan for University. Have you search which Uni you wanna go and the cost and criteria and..". Aiyoo!! this husband sure good at throwing wet towel! Bingit siak!!

Anyway, I think I'll just stick to my Contracts job lah. Draft, response, counter, close file!

Btw, I been listening to Ziana Zain's songs over and over again in office. In my bid to avoid distraction from my neighbour. I think listening to Ziana Zain's song 1o times a day is way much better than listening to "wan tarn, pern tarn, Si ler, you wasting my time!, I donno what you are doing! you stupid dum dum!...".

I was singing Ziana's song just as I was trying hard to memorise that Without Prejudice closing para! And the outcome, I forgot the para!

Maybe I should be a singer?? huh??

Never Ending Aspiration! lol!

VOYEUR...

VOYEUR..
In clinical psychology, voyeurism is the sexual interest in or practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or other activity usually considered to be of a private nature.[1][2] In popular imagination the term is used in a more general sense to refer to someone who habitually observes others without their knowledge, with no necessary implication of sexual interest.
Voyeurism (from the French voyeur, "one who looks") can take several forms, but its principle characteristic is that the voyeur does not normally relate directly with the subject of their interest, who is often unaware of being observed. The voyeur may observe the subject from a distance, or use stealth to observe the subject with the use of peep-holes, two-way mirrors, hidden cameras, secret photography and other devices and strategies. ~ wikipedia


A stranger thinks I am a Voyeur..

Friends, what say you?

I am not going to get affected by a flying statement of someone I barely knew and don't bother to find out more about me.

My friendliness should not be misunderstood or taken advantage of. For you will definitely hate it when I decided to be unfriendly. But then, don't accused me of being arrogant if I decided to treat you at the bottom of my feet!

There is a limit to everything. Just because you have the mouth, its your free-will to call people anything you like.

Anyway, I've cross-path with such people who thinks too highly or too great about themself... pathethic!


Au Revoir!!

Sebelum Aku Lari Meninggalkan Semuanya!

Bingit!
Nak kerja pun tak aman!

Macam lah hidup aku ini kurang tekanan. Kurang kegiatan. Kurang sibuk lagi. Ada saja yang suka tokok tambah beban jiwa aku!

Aku tak pakai tudung tapi bukan bermakna aku tak ada pendirian agama. Jangan paksa aku jadi syirik! Setiap satu masalah ada penyelesaiannya. Aku yakin dan aku pasti suatu hari, bila sesuai waktu dan ketikanya Allah pasti aku tunjukkan aku jalan penyelesaiannya. Jangan suruh aku cari bomoh dan dukun!

Terima kasih for all these stupid mess I'm in!
Macam lah tak cukup lagi kau malukan mak bapak kau! Suatu hari nanti kau akan rasa bagaiman aku rasa.

Aku tahu kau tak kesal & tak rasa bersalah dengan apa yang kau buat selama ini. Semuanya salah orang lain. Salah kawan-kawan, salah guru, salah adik beradik & salah mak bapak kau! Semua orang salah kecuali diri kau sendiri!

Dulu mak aku cakap jangan kahwin dengan ahli secret society .. nanti keturunan kau semua kena pukul orang sebab bapaknya kaki pukul. Aku akur.. aku tak kawin pun dengan ahli Secret Society tu.

Suamiku bukan kaki pukul.. tak hisap rokok pun! Tapi anak aku kaki pukul, kaki ugut, hisap rokok! Jadi, keturunan siapa ni?! Nak kata anak orang lain tertukar kat hospital, tak mungkin! Sebab raut wajah nya tak ubah seperti ayahnya! Tapi, kenapa sikapnya langsung tak macam ayahnya!

Aku dengar kata orang tua ku.. tapi anak sulung aku selalu ingkar kata2 aku!
Anak siapa ni??!! Bingit dah tak terkira!! Malu dah tak terkata!!
Aku jaga maruah kau.. kau injak maruah aku!!

Ini Peringatan Terakhir:
Kalau tak boleh/tak tahu macam mana nak bantu masalah aku, back-off!
Sebelum aku lari dan tinggalkan semuanya!
Sekiranya itu terjadi, jangan pernah cari kami lagi!
Sekiranya perasaan kami tiada ertinya kini.. ia tidak akan bererti nanti!

I HAD ENOUGH!
AND I REALLY MEAN IT!!!

Sekolah Lagi

Hari ini aku mula bersekolah lagi.. rasa seronok macam mula mula nak masuk darjah satu!! hahahahaha!

Kenapa lah aku ni sibuk sangat nak sekolah lagi? Agaknya sebab aku memang suka belajar sesuatu baru. Dulu mak bapak suruh belajar.. aku malas.. sibuk nak kahwin (fyi - aku kahwin di usia 17 tahun.. gelojoh ehh??!! wateva!).

Perkahwinan juga suatu pelajaran. Belajar macam mana nak hidup dengan orang asing. Belajar bagaimana menyesuaikan diri dan membawa diri didalam keluarga besar orang lain. Belajar protocol, budaya, tabiat, selera orang lain. Belajar untuk mengurus orang lain (suami), anak-anak (ada yg tak terkawal pon!) dan rumahtangga (bukan 'kerja rumah', ok!). Belajar untuk mengimbangi ekspektasi vs realiti. Pokoknya.. belajar apa saja yang kehidupan ini sajikan untukku.

Ini akan menjadi diploma kedua ku. Yang pertama dalam bidang pentadbiran (I can't believe that I had to google to find the correct spelling for this word.. gosh!). Kali ini undang-undang menjadi minat aku. Kemana kesudahannya? Belom tahu lagi. Doakan yang terbaik untuk ku, ya!

Aku ini macam banyak sangat masa gitu. Kerjaya, Rumahtangga, Keluarga dan kini Pengajianku pula. Namun, pelajaran itu penting. Sangat penting terutama sekali hidup di Singapura.

Sedang aku sibuk nak belajar semula, putera sulungku duduk lepak di rumah dah tiga minggu! Kena suspension lagi. Ini suspension kali kedua untuk tahun ini. Anak yang seorang itu entah mana silap nya. Tidak tenang dimana-mana. Ada saja masalah yg dia buat, yang dia cari. Meskipun dia hidup didalam keluarga yang sempurna, sikap nya lebih teruk dari anak yang melalui kepincangan keluarga (broken family). Aku dah suami ibarat mati akal dibuatnya..

Suamiku.. dia pon sibuk belajar. Baru saja melanjutkan pengajiannya ke peringkat ijazah dalam bidang Pentadbiran Tenaga Kerja (betul ke aku tulis ni?? What I mean is "Degree in Human Resource").

Oh lupa nak sebut.. selain dari kursus undang-undang, aku juga sedang mengambil kursus bahasa Arab. Ni bukan apa.. agar tak lupa keturunan ayahanda ku.. Ayahku berketurunan Arab tapi tak satu pon anak-anak nya fasih bertutur bahasa Arab.. Jadi, aku belajar lah. Seronok betul belajar bahasa baru. Setiap Sabtu aku ke kelas bahasa Arab di Al-Markaz (Bussorah Street) bersama seorang teman, Lela. Seronok bila ada teman belajar bersama. Apa saja yang terlupa, Lela boleh ingatkan.. lagipon dekni terrer! hehehehe!

Minggu lepas aku 'play cheat'.. ada ke patut terjemah nombor dalam bahasa Arab sambil buka buku??!!! hahahahaha! Itu lah yang paling merepek pernah aku buat. Dah tak ingat.. tak kan nak pura pura ingat! Apa lagi, mengeluh panjang lah muddarisi... :D

Sepatutnya sekarang aku buat kerja.. tapi perasaan ghairah nak mula sekolah malam nanti membuak-buak sampai tak boleh konsentrasi.. maka aku layan diri untuk menulis blog ini..
Alaaa.. bukan nya selalu..
Makan gaji buta aku hari ini.. Masyaallah!! Subhanallah!! La ila hailallah!!

~ TAMAT ~

Huh? Akhirnya Aku Juga Yang Kena..??

Balik balik berpusing pada aku juga!
Tak kira punca siapa, silap siapa tetap aku jugak yang kena akhirnya.


Terima panggillan dipejabat dari pembantu rumah yang sedang menangis.
Lerr.. apa pulak yang sudah terjadi?
Budak-budak bertumbuk dirumah pagi tadi. Hanya kerana roti!

Silap:

Ryan - Roti tinggal dua makan satu dulu apa lah salahnya. Lepas makan pergi lah kedai beli roti lagi. Langsung tak ingat orang belakang. Dah tahu perangai abang dia macam singa lapar...

Eddy - Panas baran sama macam bapak dia jugak! Kurang toleransi. Roti dah habis pergi lah beli kat kedai bawah blok tu. Kalau malas nak turun ke kedai, makan biskut tak boleh ke? Sikit sikit nak mengamuk. Sikit sikit nak gaduh..

Pembantu - kalau dah tahu roti tak cukup, kenapa tak beritahu semalam supaya aku boleh beli semasa pulang dari kerja?
Dah tahu Eddy marah sebab roti habis tak tahu nak pergi beli ke? atau sekurang kurang nya kasi dia duit untuk beli? Tadi pagi aku tinggalkan duit utuk apa kalau benda macam ini pun tak boleh fikir? Kalau dah tak minat nak kerja, cakap saja. Dengan rela hati aku hantar balik.


Bingit:
Mak aku - Aku mintak tolong dia nasihatkan budak-budak and pembantu. Tapi bukan dia nasihatkan.. dia bagi makan pulak. Akhirnya aku pulak yang salah dimata dia. Aku tak cukup bagi makan katanya! Baru minggu lepas belanja pasar sampai $200.. tak cukup ke tu?


Mak aku memang camtu. Apa apa pon aku tetap dipersalahkan. Orang lain semua betul biarpun jelas nyata kesalahannya. Bila aku protest, dia jawab "Kalau aku tak salahkan kau, nanti keadaan bertambah teruk. Lagipun, aku tahu kau tak suka ambik hati. Jadi tak apa lah kalau aku salahkan kau."

Boleh gitu? Aku ni punching bag ke?

Korang semua 'take me fro granted'. Nanti aku lari jauh jauh baru korang tau...

Seandainya...

"Seandainya...
Dapat kau selam
Sama mentafsir tasik hatiku
Cuma tenang dipermukaan..."

Pejabat tenang saja.. kerja aku pon tenang saja... kalau tak tenang pon, aku bawak bertenang ler.
Setiap sesuatu itu ada had nya. Kalau nak diikutkan sangat kerja aku ni.. tak payah balik rumah jawabnya. Hai.. kalau dah setiap hari kerja melebihi 12 - 15 jam masih tetap jugak kerja menimbun, apa nak dikatakan lagi? Aku buat saja apa yang terdaya.

Semenjak kerja disini, rasanya sebahagian hidupku sudah mati. Masa utuk keluarga selalunya dihujung minggu saja. Lebih tepat lagi .. hari Ahad saja sebab anak-anak ku sibuk sekali pada hari sabtu.

Work-Life Balance.. hmmm what's that?? Aku rasa falsafah itu hanya untuk kerani kontrak saja. Dipejabatku, jam 10 malam pon belom tentu gelap gelita. Kalau tak tercanguk depan komputer di pejabat, jari jemari pantas menari atas blackberry. Ataupon, mengadap laptop dirumah.
Itu lah hakikat perkerjaanku terutama sekali disaat kemurungan ekonomi. Tapi, ketika ekonomi baik pon sama saja.

Seperti yang aku katakan tadi.. aku buat saja mana yg termampu..

Suamiku pon apa kurang nya. Majikan dia tak habis-habis buat olah.. cari alasan nak kurangkan tenaga kerja tanpa membayar pampasan.. Aku tahu dia amat tertekan buat masa ni. Kesian jugak aku tengok dia. Ikutkan hati memang tak rela tengok dia pergi kerja macam tu.

C'mon, work have to be happy. Apa gunanya ke kerja dengan rasa terpaksa dan terdera.
Terpaksa kerana harus menyara keluarga.
Terdera kerana majikan yang tidak bertimbang rasa dan asyik menukar pendirian sewenang-wenangnya. Meminta sesuatu yang belum tentu dia sendiri mampu melakukannya.

Aku tak suka melihat kemurungannya. Hidup harus bahagia, bukan sekadar mengumpul harta semata.

Mungkin dah tiba masanya aku mulakan perniagaan yang sudah tertunda sekian lamanya.
Bukan sengaja nak ditunda, tapi sebenarnya aku tiada minat dan kemahiran untuk berniaga.
Mungkin 'dia' boleh memulakannya sebab dia lebih berpengalaman.

Hmm.. sebenarnya aku sedang melepaskan tension disini. Kerja terlalu banyak sampai otak ku berat untuk berfungsi..