The Day (I Misunderstood my son)

I was on leave today. Had to send Tina back to the clinic for her HFMD review. She's cleared and can now resume school again. She has been worried that she misses her lessons and her piling schoolworks. She been spending the past days in my bed with me the whole day while I get on some work from home. Finally, she'll get to see her friends again!

I have an appointment to meet Eddy's teachers today. This has been postponed several times because I have been terribly busy at work lately. Not that I'm less busy now, but I just cannot postponed any further; it just doesn't feel right.

The purpose of today's meeting has been highlighted to me by his teacher last week. So, I know what I'm getting myself into. So, mentally I thought I'm well-prepared to face what comes may.

Yesterday's incident left a huge anger and frustruation in me. I was so angry that I guess I lose my mind and get out of control. When my hubby informed me that Eddy had secretly changed his handphone, I was worried. It doesn't bother to me if he had traded-in the handphone I bought him for another piece. What terrifies me was the idea that he had stole that phone from someone else. I cannot accept it if he decided to pick the habit of stealing because I believe I've provided him well and have always reminded him of the consequences of such action.

Deep in my heart I am still confident he would not do such a thing; I know my son. But I'm worried he succumbed to peer pressure due to numerous unhappy incidents going on in school since the beginning of this year.

So, we decided to confront him and found out that the phone came from my parents. My hubby called my parents and it was indeed from them. I felt betrayed! Betrayed by my own parents who had secretly got him that Nokia phone with camera & mp3. I have my reasons for not allowing my son to carry a handphone with camera and mp3 and Eddy knew the reason. The whole idea is not about MONEY.. its about SECURITY. Here I am desperately trying to discipline my child, there they are doing all the opposite.. what have I done to deserve this?

On my way to his school, I was on furious mode over last night incident. I keep telling my hubby that if his teacher gonna complain so much about him, I'm throwing out of the house! He might as well be raised by my parents who think they can handle him better!

Our appointment was fixed at 2pm and I was punctual. His teachers appear 30 minutes later.. that's very annoying.. I hate latecomers and was grumbling with my hubby "how they expect to discipline a child when they are not disciplined themselves?". My hubby had to calm me down.

So, the topic begun with all the complains (or 'concerns' which they prefer to call it). He's been so talkative, distractive, bad-tempered, etc. all the norm stuffs! I am here not to hear to complains only.. noone should complains if they don't have any suggestion to follow up with - don't waste my time!

We talked about alot of things.. we came to some agreement and suggestions for implementation. One of which is for Eddy to attend counselling session to develop his social skills. We are agreeable to have a counsellor involved in the situation. I feel Eddy need someone whom he can relate to. There used to be his primary school band master whom he looked upon highly. He is among those whom Eddy would willingly adhere to instructions. No, he is all alone in an unfamiliar ground and the teachers do acknowledge that he has no friends. He was not able to make friends due to his poor social skills.

The teacher suggested if he would prefer doing group study in school while waiting for his dad to fetch him in the evening. Eddy rejected the idea citing "I don't feel safe here" as his sole reason he prefer to go home straight after lesson.

His answer led to probe on why he felt unsafe in school. He told of an incident in class today where a boy from another class came to hit one of his classmate. His classmate's cries for help from the teacher who was present in class was put on a deaf ear. So, the beating took place infront of the whole class!

We were all shocked! the teacher keep asking who was the victim? He brush it with "I promised that boy not to tell". After constant probing he gave in and turn around with his teary eyes and said "the victim was ME! Are you happy now?! I was beaten up infront of the whole class and the others just laugh! Even the teacher did not rescue me!"...

My heart broke seeing my son so frustruated! I felt so guilty. What kind of mental torture had my son been put through? I had thought that the bullying had stopped since he stopped talking about it anymore. Now I am worried.. was the bully incident he told me some days ago about a boy's mouth being stuffed with a sock and beaten up at the back gate is actually about his own ordeal?

Out of this meeting, my hubby and I was utterly disappointed with his Band Teacher. She apparently tried so hard to avoid meeting us. The form teacher had to call her twice and asked her to spare a few minute to sit down with us before she finally gave in but excuse herself shortly after when she fail to provide a justifiable reason on why our son (who was admitted into the school for his music talent) was denied the instrument he was passionate about.

For now, we just want him to complete his final year exam and will pull him out of the place. The teacher says that the problem lies with his poor social skills.. However, none of the 3 teachers present able to answer this question I pose "If all your colleagues are against you and singled you out, would you enjoy coming to work?"

Meanwhile, Eddy had verbally expressed his desire not to pursue in that school anymore..

All I Want Is.....

I have been so busy over the weekend. Busy making pineapple tarts for the upcoming Hari Raya celebration. The last Saturday and Sunday were spent in my kitchen kneading and rolling the dough for my cookies. I am not alone, my beloved cats were sleeping at my feet and there was also my bestfriend, Tina (well, she said that I'm her best friend).

I was teasing Tina all day.. telling her that baba only loves me and we love each other so much that we had no more love left for her. Of course, she rebuke and said "It's a lie! Baba loves me a lot!"

Being childish I replied, "says who? he loves me and only me!"
Annoyed Tina came back at me with "hey, don't lie! You are fasting aren't you? It's a sin to lie!"

She walked away as my maid and I giggled at her statement. Oh my! oh my!

But not for too long she's back seated next to me again, singing and chatting endlessly.
And I was becoming naughty again... so I said "hey, its been a long time since I heard you played with the girl downstairs.. what happen?"
Tina said "I don't know what happen. But we have stopped playing with each other"

Hmm.. that doesn't sound too good. So I decided to ask further and teasing her along the way..
"you girls fight? not friend anymore? Or is it because now she has a little sister to play with and you are not required anymore?" I was giggling away..

Yes, she will not leave question unanswered.. here's her piece..
"Haiya... All I want is a SISTER. If only you had eaten lots more then, I would have a SISTER!".. she gave me her annoyed face..

I was speechless after that. Serve me right for teasing a bright kid!

Yes, I felt like a total failure. I had promised her a sibling twice.. and it failed. I am not even capable of making my only girl happy.. and kill her lonliness.. what a mommy I am!

Wish

Went out with the girls last evening - had dinner together. As usual, its crazy and fun.

Reached home past 10, shower and change.. off to bed; slept early.
I was not tired actually. I'm just too bored. Terribly Bored!
Can't wait for the weekend to arrive... I wanna make pineapple tarts!

Something is not right with me..
I'm bored with my life..
I just can't stand the bickering...

Am I really so wrong? Nothing I did seems right thing lately..

I'm pissed but I can't say it out loud. That's why I prefer to shut up. I think silence is still better than fighting fire with fire. And, whats the point of arguing when you know you've lost before you could even began.

I am no punching bag...
Ain't a hub for others to trash their anger about their daily woes...

I'm bored...

bored with my life...

I wish I don't have to go home...

I wish I can sleep in office...

I wish I can fall in love all over again...

I wish prince charming come and sweep me off my feet...

I wish I can fly...

I wish I can ..... WISH!

Wish me Luck!

Sibling Scuffle

I donno where to begin...
Lately I've been feeling sad, lonely and deprived ...

It is regretful that my sister and I had fallen apart. It all began when she sense my unhappiness for her night out while I was all stressed out due to mom's hospitalisation. Everybody were busy with work. I had just embarked on a new job and my schedules in a mess and I'm losing myself.
She was not working then but prefers going out with her friends instead of accompanying mom in hospital - I can't possibly force her, could I?

So she's feeling bitter that her 16-years affair had finally ended and that she had no one to love and loving her. All I can say, Love need not necessary come from a lover, a spouse, etc. If being single is lonely, it is worse to be married yet still lonely.

What is marriage after all? Nothing guarantees anything. Being married need not really mean you'll definitely have a life partner who will always be there to cheer you up and make you feel good. If there's so many people showing off that their spouse dotes on them with expensive gifts, trips around the world, etc. Well, normally people only expose the good stuff and hide the bad stuff (this is LIFE!). Nobody would go around admitting that their spouse is having an affair, that their spouse been battering them, that they are struggling in that big house and posh car, that their job really sucks but they just got to hang on cos there's bills to pay, that their kids been having bad grades ...

If I can have my way, I'd rather you be spare from all these...

Whether you decided to stay single or to be married, I guess WE all have NO issues about it. We've been to too many visits and had managed to shut off all the unnecessary questioning from nosy aunties who never fail to ask "why is your sister still not married?". Over the years I've given them the same answer that they have decided that its pointless asking me.

But, I'm disappointed with those audacious photos you have decided to upload in your webspace. If you feel proud of those photos, do spare a thought for mom & dad. Mom is not very healthy and so is dad. Can you imagine how they would feel if they chance upon those photo?

Each of us are lucky and unlucky in in our own way.. we just got to see it.

You are lucky to be single, you have all the freedom and you can follow your heart to choose whatever you desire.
You are unlucky because you have yet to find that soulmate, build your life, build your career..

I am lucky to be married, I have a family, a job..
I am unlucky because I dont even know who I am now... what I have become...

I once feel bothered with my balooning body and I asked a lady who is plump "do you feel sad that you cannot buy all those clothes from Mango?".. she said confidently "No. I am special, my clothes are made specially just for me.."